Comic 1121 - Bite sized...

8th Jan 2015, 9:00 PM
Bite sized...
Average Rating: 5 (27 votes)

Author Notes:

Tokyo Rose 9th Jan 2015, 4:28 AM edit delete
Tokyo Rose
Why, yes. Scripting this was, in fact, incredibly satisfying.
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Comments:

Rms2000 8th Jan 2015, 9:05 PM edit delete reply

i could've sworn he didn't have that much blood before it got thrown around like that.
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:21 PM edit delete reply

youu would be surprised at how much blood there is ...
Dragonrider 8th Jan 2015, 9:13 PM edit delete reply

Refer to Monday's Comment, plus couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Unfortunately there are innocent and semi innocent observers.
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 2:56 PM edit delete reply

Very true Dragonrider. There are the guards, the combat team, the custom's agent and Connie. Then there is Mr. Black, who is NEITHER innocent or semi-innocent! He!! there are places that passed laws just BECAUSE of Mr. Black!
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:21 PM edit delete reply

hehehh :D
DizzasterJuice 8th Jan 2015, 9:15 PM edit delete reply

HAAA! A fitting end for the asshole!
Now I sooo want a murder-turd-scythe-lizard as a pet... either that or I want eyes like one.
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:22 PM edit delete reply

they are sooo.. uh cute? no .. cuddly? nope .. and well they dont make good pets they are born psychotic :D
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:30 PM edit delete reply

They make awesome combat mounts !
CptKerion 11th Jan 2015, 10:06 PM edit delete reply
remove the mount from that and I'd believe you.
You see, I'd just load them into cryostasis tubes and shoot them into enemy positions after thawing them out. A lovely bit of havok.
Stormwind13 8th Jan 2015, 9:19 PM edit delete reply

Well, Rash called it. VERY reminiscent of that scene from Terra Nova - though it was Carnotaurus, not a T-Rex. :-D Not that anyone would care WHICH it was if it was coming at you.
Tokyo Rose 8th Jan 2015, 10:31 PM edit delete reply

Random Bystander: "OH FUCK, A T-REX!"
Pedantic Archaeologist: "Actually, it's a Carnotaurus sastrei."
Random Bystander: *is gone*
Pedantic Archaeologist: *gets eaten*
Pirtnac 9th Jan 2015, 9:33 AM edit delete reply
Wait wait, that's not what the movies taught me!

Pedantic Archaeologist wouldn't get eaten as he's not moving! Random Bystander is the one the big guy is going after. Pedantic Archaeologist is getting *stepped on!*

::Nods happily and adjusts pocket protector::
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 12:45 PM edit delete reply

*Pirtnac gets eaten too as a murderturd is not a dinosaur*
jamie59 8th Jan 2015, 9:29 PM edit delete reply

Called it!
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 8:28 PM edit delete reply

yep you did :D
velvetsanity 8th Jan 2015, 9:38 PM edit delete reply

The jackass got what he had coming. Good. However, this leaves our intrepid heroes with possibly a bigger problem. There's a murder-turd loose in the customs inspection area!
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 12:57 AM edit delete reply

Well yeah, where else would you have it at, TeeDee would be most upset if it wasn't there.
It's her steed, you see - She'd get grumpy if she couldn't ride her steed into Nova Roma! :D

She calls him Mr Popolopolis, becasuse Ada vetoed Mr PooPooHead.
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:22 PM edit delete reply

yep :D
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:53 PM edit delete reply

It's now canon, the murderturds name is Mr Popolopolis ! :D
Melody 8th Jan 2015, 10:00 PM edit delete reply
HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S WHAT YOU GET YOU NEANDERTHAL MOTHERFUCKER! XD
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 12:59 AM edit delete reply

Aw, don't be so mean to the neanderthals.
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:22 PM edit delete reply

somoene is happy :D
Melody 9th Jan 2015, 4:08 PM edit delete reply
Happy is an understatement, and i'm not being mean to the Neanderthals. I'm being mean to THAT neanderthal.

I do agree, though, can it get loose in Prince Douchebag's room and eat him, too? Please? Pretty please? D:
Draginbeard 8th Jan 2015, 10:19 PM edit delete reply

Well, I guess its too late for him to chew over an attitude adjustment. All he had to do was sit down and maul over the idea of being a little nicer to people. Its the little things, once you've had time to digest them, a slight change on your outlook is less crushing than you might have expected.

Just saying.
Tokyo Rose 8th Jan 2015, 10:33 PM edit delete reply

I don't know whether to laugh or groan. I will compromise by making noises like a regurgitating sea lion in your honor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEY6IQD3_eM
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:22 PM edit delete reply

BUHAHHAHAH!
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 3:48 PM edit delete reply

LOL. Well played Draginbeard! :-D
CptKerion 11th Jan 2015, 11:59 AM edit delete reply
The puns... it's like being punched... repeatedly... in the brain... by an angry dwarf.
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:15 PM edit delete reply

Or worse, by a Red Dwarf.
Draginbeard 11th Jan 2015, 5:58 PM edit delete reply

An angry, hungry, red dwarf even.
RoseOfPain 8th Jan 2015, 10:48 PM edit delete reply
*Puppy eyes* Can we put it in the D-Bag's room? Pleeeease?
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:22 PM edit delete reply

smirks :D
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:55 PM edit delete reply

That would be totally unfair to the poor murderturd !
Besides, it's mother told it not to hang out with the wrong crowd!
And Prince Douchebag is definately the wrong crowd.
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 4:18 PM edit delete reply

LOL. Too true, Sheela. Even the murder-turd has standards... Douchebag doesn't meet them. :-D
CptKerion 10th Jan 2015, 9:03 PM edit delete reply
Are you sure a murder-turd has standards?
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 9:31 PM edit delete reply

Welcome to go up to it and ask, Cpt. Of course insulting one (by implying it DOESN'T have standards) might not be your healthiest option, but... feel free to go there. :-D
CptKerion 11th Jan 2015, 11:55 AM edit delete reply
alright, to do this I'll need a main battle tank and a megaphone... and a milk jug, a long piece of twine, about 15 feet of PVC piping, a hack saw, four elbow joints for the piping, 17 12 penny nails, and a rubber chicken.
Centcomm 11th Jan 2015, 12:31 PM edit delete reply

And that guys leg...
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:17 PM edit delete reply

I dunno man, I would probably substitute that rubber chicken for a real one.

Nothing like the real deal, to make things go right.
Unless it runs away ofcourse.
plymayer 8th Jan 2015, 11:07 PM edit delete reply

Good. Got what he needed.
Stormwind13 11th Jan 2015, 1:18 PM edit delete reply

I think he would disagree that he needed that in ANY way, plymmayer. :-D Now, he got exactly what he DESERVED, in my opinion.
DLKmusic 9th Jan 2015, 12:12 AM edit delete reply

Coroner's Report:

Name: Optio Clauderius
Age: 31
Race: Caucasian
Occupation: Guard
Rank: Centurion
Cause of Death: Stupidity
WitUnderPressure 9th Jan 2015, 8:35 AM edit delete reply
I wonder if this would count as having died in the service of the crown...
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:23 PM edit delete reply

i totally agree with both statements :D
CptKerion 10th Jan 2015, 9:04 PM edit delete reply
Reason For Posthumus Commendation of Centurion Optio Clauderius: Uuhhhhh...
Timotheus 9th Jan 2015, 12:54 AM edit delete reply

"Glomph" is such a wonderfully descriptive sound effect.
I will hazard a guess that the shipper/transporter (Mr. Black) has a shock collar or other handling device on yon over sized horny toad and can stop its rampage with the flick of a switch. Hence his lack of panic at the imminent opening of said pet carrier. By the way, shouldn't it have a "Live Animal" placard on it somewhere?
xpacetrue 9th Jan 2015, 1:29 AM edit delete reply

The operative word here being, "somewhere". If the idiot actually inspected that crate before opening it, or even read the manifest like Mr. Black suggested, he would have known. But he was confident he'd find an excuse to haul poor Ms. android away. The outside of the crate or even the manifest could be lying, so he ignored them, to his own peril.

Anyway, even if the front doors of the crate were clearly marked "Live Animal" or similar, I doubt it would have registered on Mr. Idiot. Obviously, Lamod was his first language. So it may not even register without trying to read it. And while he speaks Spenglish, he may not be able to read it.

On the plus side: His subordinate has learned a valuable lesson or two. :)

BTW: Was it just me, or did it seem like Mr. Black was very subtly trying to bait him into opening the crate? At the least, it can be said that Mr. Black tried to warn him, so they're all in the clear.
Fairportfan 9th Jan 2015, 2:47 AM edit delete reply

I'd say his first language was Classical Stupidity.
Mister Black 9th Jan 2015, 6:06 PM edit delete reply

Are you implying that I, as an honorable and upstanding licensed merchant in the glorious city that is Nova Roma, would do something so dastardly, underhanded, and generally disreputable as to intentionally manipulate the mentally sub-standard into doing something terminal? I am *shocked*...*shocked* I say at this implied defamation of my good character! *innocent look*
Haegan2005 9th Jan 2015, 6:46 PM edit delete reply

yeahhhh.... Though doth protest too much!
Reiko 9th Jan 2015, 7:04 PM edit delete reply

Oh, please, Mr. Black. Someone like you, involved in a cluster of an op like this, and you expect anyone to believe your protests of innocence? Pull the other one :D
Fairportfan 11th Jan 2015, 10:19 PM edit delete reply

Has it got bells on?
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:23 PM edit delete reply

it really is .. so os nom noom nom :D
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:18 PM edit delete reply

Ah, but he already pulled the first one ... into the mouth of an angry murderturd!

Do you *really* want to be the other one ?
Reiko 12th Jan 2015, 6:29 PM edit delete reply

Actually, in the situation, I'd consider the bastard on the throne to be 'the other one'.

There really isn't any other way this could have played out to this point, since the bloody fool wouldn't allow it to go any other way. If Black could be seen as having goaded him into causing it to open, then he did so to give his team a chance to survive in the only way he could.

What I'm truly curious to know, is how did they catch the thing live?
Rashala 9th Jan 2015, 1:12 AM edit delete reply

FREAKING CALLED IT!!!!

that poor creature......Havint to eat That guy,,probally be sick for a week
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:56 PM edit delete reply

Nah, it gets to poop him out on the seat of Prince Douchebags throne. :)
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 4:20 PM edit delete reply

LOL Rash. Yeah, that was one of my thoughts too. That poor thing probably will spit him back out. That guard is probably THAT slimy that even a murder-turd won't eat him. :-D
mjkj 9th Jan 2015, 5:28 AM edit delete reply

Awww...

Scythe lizard...

...what a pity that it happened so fast - he should have been frozen in shock while realizing his demise for at least a few more seconds...

Now let us hope they can contain the lizard before it attacks somebody else.


*hugs Connie* I hope she will be all right.

kraznor 9th Jan 2015, 6:27 AM edit delete reply
Haa that was sweet...... :) well there's just one thing I'd like to know how long will it take for TeeDee to stop laughing
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:23 PM edit delete reply

a bit :D
lalverson 9th Jan 2015, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
Nom nom nom...knights are crunchy..
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:57 PM edit delete reply

Crunchy on the outside, soft & yummy on the inside. :)

Canned foods !
Haegan2005 9th Jan 2015, 6:47 PM edit delete reply

Wonder if it will ask for a refill? :D
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 11:46 AM edit delete reply

Somehow, I get the feeling it doesn't ASK, Haegan. Just goes and gets it instead. :-)
Haegan2005 10th Jan 2015, 3:13 PM edit delete reply

Assertive monsters can always be relied upon to proactively reduce the local population! This could be good, or bad of course.
Haegan2005 10th Jan 2015, 3:14 PM edit delete reply

"More puleese!"
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 5:16 PM edit delete reply

Just had a weird thought, Haegan.

Someone standing on top the container and using ventriloquism or some kind of voice-casting technology. "More puleese!"

Some of the people would probably get munched just from the sheer shock of (seemingly) being addressed by a murder-turd! }:-D~>
VanEzzania 9th Jan 2015, 7:37 AM edit delete reply

Well, I'm quite glad that happened.
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 3:24 PM edit delete reply

happy to obligie :D
KarToon12 9th Jan 2015, 7:38 AM edit delete reply

*insert Jurassic Park music*

That's what you get when you mess with dinosaur DNA in bugs...XD
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:57 PM edit delete reply

.. but ... they didn't ?
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 5:10 PM edit delete reply

We don't know HOW murder-turds arose, I think. Someone was screwing around with SOMETHING though to get a critter that looks like that.
Centcomm 10th Jan 2015, 3:20 PM edit delete reply

heheh yeppers!
CptKerion 10th Jan 2015, 9:11 PM edit delete reply
I blame idiots. Not quite this guy level idiots, but idiots none the less
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:20 PM edit delete reply

Or really, really, REALLY smart ones, with absolutely *NO* morals !
velvetsanity 9th Jan 2015, 7:40 AM edit delete reply

You know, I'm going to be laughing if the first panel on Monday is Mr. Black facepalming and muttering, "I tried to warn him..."
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:58 PM edit delete reply

Nah, he's to busy pushing buttons on his remote control ... y'know, the one that went *click* in panel three on the previous page ?
Hornet 9th Jan 2015, 7:49 AM edit delete reply
Chub Toad, Chub Toad
At the door
Run away quick
Or you'll run no more.

Sorry for the plagerism but found it so fitting.
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 8:29 PM edit delete reply

I agree - tottally ..
WitUnderPressure 9th Jan 2015, 8:32 AM edit delete reply
Well. At least now we know what your armor WON'T protect against. Thank you for that bit of research.
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 4:57 PM edit delete reply

LOL Wit. Yeah, he served a USE. Showing how the monster works in the best form for a red-shirt. :-D
Haegan2005 9th Jan 2015, 6:49 PM edit delete reply

I find it interesting that I called him a red shirt so many pages ago.

I don't know how the authors managed to not say anything more then they did. That is real self control people!
Tokyo Rose 10th Jan 2015, 5:34 AM edit delete reply

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 11:48 AM edit delete reply

Poor Rose... Having to keep quiet about something like that. Must have been pure torture for you. :-D
Tokyo Rose 10th Jan 2015, 5:20 PM edit delete reply

I was wallowing in the anticipation.
CptKerion 10th Jan 2015, 9:13 PM edit delete reply
let me guess, happy bouncing on the cathartic release of getting to drop this lovely after so much anticipation?
Tokyo Rose 10th Jan 2015, 11:25 PM edit delete reply

YEEEEEES.
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:21 PM edit delete reply

She was counting the micro-seconds up to the release of the page into the wilds of the internets !
SFCGator 9th Jan 2015, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
Verrry carefully, while it's busy with lunch, slowly close the door and relatch it.
Sheela 9th Jan 2015, 3:59 PM edit delete reply

.. ooor open the door to the city.

And voilá, one firstclass distraction is now in action.
Time to smuggle Lynn out while they are distracted.
Stormwind13 9th Jan 2015, 4:17 PM edit delete reply

One problem with that is that they don't know where Lynn is. And as much trouble as that girl has been she would be DIRECTLY in the Scythe Lizard's path...
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 8:28 PM edit delete reply

heheh wait for it :D
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:22 PM edit delete reply

Eh, just let TeeDee ride it, and I'm sure it would rampage in the correct general direction. :)
Matt Knab 9th Jan 2015, 3:13 PM edit delete reply

Well, now that that's settled...
Centcomm 9th Jan 2015, 8:28 PM edit delete reply

sorta?
Kitty 9th Jan 2015, 6:22 PM edit delete reply
To do list: (1) Feed Scythe lizard

OK, that's one job done. Next! ;)
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 11:41 AM edit delete reply

Get back in there and do it RIGHT, Kitty! That was NOT a balanced meal for the poor Scythe Lizard! :-)
CptKerion 10th Jan 2015, 9:13 PM edit delete reply
yeah, you see to large murderous beasts guards are in the same food group as twinkies.
Timotheus 9th Jan 2015, 11:04 PM edit delete reply

I meant to say this earlier, "GREAT HOPPING HORNY TOADS!"
Sorry.
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 11:44 AM edit delete reply

LOL Tim. Well it NEEDED to be said, so thank you for doing it. :-D
Songgu Kwon 9th Jan 2015, 11:59 PM edit delete reply

Oh dear god. That guy was juicy. :O
Centcomm 10th Jan 2015, 3:19 PM edit delete reply

splattering goodness :D
Tokamada01 10th Jan 2015, 10:46 AM edit delete reply

Is it possible we could send one of those as a late Holiday Gift...to say maybe Congress?

Oh wait...critter fact #2....never mind poor thing would suffer
Centcomm 10th Jan 2015, 3:20 PM edit delete reply

heheh :D
Tokamada01 10th Jan 2015, 10:57 AM edit delete reply

Does it taste like chicken?

...not the lizard.
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 11:45 AM edit delete reply

Everything tastes like chicken to a Scythe Lizard. That is why it eats EVERYTHING in its path that it can sink its teeth into.
Morituri 11th Jan 2015, 11:42 AM edit delete reply
Most things taste like Chicken to murderturds.

But idiot Centuriae taste like Zagnut bars.
Centcomm 10th Jan 2015, 3:20 PM edit delete reply

Im not sure it even bothers to taste its food :D
DLKmusic 10th Jan 2015, 3:09 PM edit delete reply
Everyone is still hugging Connie!!! How come no-one is hugging the poor Skythe Lizard?

Who's a good lizard? you are, that's right, you are!
Centcomm 10th Jan 2015, 3:19 PM edit delete reply

LOL ok thats funny .. you go right ahead .. hug it :D
DLKmusic 10th Jan 2015, 4:57 PM edit delete reply
I.... think I will stay here in my nice warm office and say nurturing things at a safe distance, thank you! o_O
Stormwind13 10th Jan 2015, 5:12 PM edit delete reply

Wise choice, DLK. :-D
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:25 PM edit delete reply

Oh, it's easy to hug a Murderturd, you just have to be bigger, tougher, meaner and a little bit insane. :)
CptKerion 10th Jan 2015, 8:57 PM edit delete reply
YES!
The bugger gets eaten by a murderturd!
Hans 11th Jan 2015, 3:51 AM edit delete reply
Snap their mouth shut in seconds? That is sluggish. Even humans snap in less than a second. Full proces from realizing there's a target to target in mouth and mouth shut.
Now for a creature that catches living prey with its mouth ...
Centcomm 11th Jan 2015, 12:14 PM edit delete reply

more like it takes seconds to realize that you are already chewed up and swallowed.. it sounds better the way she wrote it.
SquallLion 11th Jan 2015, 10:37 AM edit delete reply
OUCH
Morituri 11th Jan 2015, 11:29 AM edit delete reply

Okay, I knew they were coming to make trouble of a couple sorts, but ... seriously, I thought they were trying to be sneaky about it, and they have ... a hungry four-ton lizard.

Did they really manage to find someone (Leaedus, according to the previous page) stupid enough to give them a legitimate commission to deliver one'a those? Like maybe for some weird gladatorial game or something?

And did they really write "hungry four-ton lizard" on the manifest Mr Black was telling the idiot to look at last page?

Or was this just a surprise present to the city and the opening move in a far less sneaky infiltration than I thought they were trying to do?
Stormwind13 11th Jan 2015, 11:35 AM edit delete reply

Yes, Morituri. :-D
Centcomm 11th Jan 2015, 12:13 PM edit delete reply

this will be explained after all the screaming stops .. :D
Stormwind13 11th Jan 2015, 12:26 PM edit delete reply

To any survivors... if any... including Mr. Black and the team he is transporting around. :-P
Sheela 11th Jan 2015, 4:27 PM edit delete reply

Well, it's all down to the fact that Mr Black knows a guy ...
Caley Tibbittz Collopy 11th Jan 2015, 2:19 PM edit delete reply

Sometimes horror is actually comedy!
Centcomm 3rd Mar 2015, 5:13 AM edit delete reply

Yep - we try to cross that line a few times :D
XRzer04 11th Jan 2015, 2:35 PM edit delete reply

Damn. Just...Damn.
XRzer04 11th Jan 2015, 2:38 PM edit delete reply

I expected something big and nasty and a horrible fate for the bad guy in the fancy armor, but really thought it was going to be some form of killer robot. Instead y'all went Medeival on his ass...
Centcomm 3rd Mar 2015, 5:13 AM edit delete reply

Darn right ! no pussy footing around here :D
ProfEtheric 3rd Mar 2015, 12:28 AM edit delete reply

YES!!!!! Sic semper tyranus!
Centcomm 3rd Mar 2015, 5:13 AM edit delete reply

RARW! nom nom nom :D
Steven-Vincent 13th Dec 2015, 1:47 PM edit delete reply

Well, someone got what he totally deserved...
Centcomm 13th Dec 2015, 2:01 PM edit delete reply

Yes he did.. So totally did ! :D
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