Comic 1306 - Open Says Me

4th Feb 2016, 9:00 PM
Open Says Me
Average Rating: 5 (23 votes)

Author Notes:

Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:14 PM edit delete
Hey guys - dont worry you dont have to put up with the prince anymore - Monday is a new scene ! We will leave the prince is and his door quandry to him and his boys . !
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Dragonrider 4th Feb 2016, 9:06 PM edit delete reply

OK will someone please knock him over the head and send him to la-la land for a while? He is so far around the bend he couldn't see the start point with a global satellite scan and a pair of binoculars. He begins to sound like Kim Jong Il.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:13 PM edit delete reply

I know right? hes in his own little world.
jamie59 4th Feb 2016, 9:08 PM edit delete reply

Skipped right through all the physical & mechanical science classes in school didn't you.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:13 PM edit delete reply

Classes? I needed those?
Dragonrider 4th Feb 2016, 9:13 PM edit delete reply

Skipped school he's a privileged imperial douchebag. Doubt he can do much more than sign his name.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:22 PM edit delete reply

He stabbed his teacher when she disagreed with him.
Tokyo Rose 4th Feb 2016, 10:32 PM edit delete reply

His father was alive at that time, so Decimus did receive quite a good education, which he completed when he was 16. His serious douchebagginess didn't manifest until slightly later.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 11:06 PM edit delete reply

I should of have also said how badly his dad tanned his ads for stabbing the teacher in the hand.
sigpig 5th Feb 2016, 11:02 AM edit delete reply

Seriously, did he suffer some sort of head trauma that affected him so badly? Roid-rage? Anything else?
Centcomm 5th Feb 2016, 3:58 PM edit delete reply

Nope hes just broken inside.
HeSerpenty 4th Feb 2016, 9:10 PM edit delete reply

WELL then! SOMEone woke up on the douchey side of the bed this morning! X'D

Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:13 PM edit delete reply

THIS .. OMG , THIS is my favorite comment HAHHAH! perfectly timed too!
CptKerion 5th Feb 2016, 12:12 AM edit delete reply
... HeSerpenty, can I quote that? Please?
HeSerpenty 7th Feb 2016, 12:15 AM edit delete reply

I would be honored! <3
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:11 AM edit delete reply

You did forget to point out that the other three sides of his bed are walled off.
HeSerpenty 7th Feb 2016, 12:16 AM edit delete reply

Hahaha well THAT would explain everything then! :'D XDD
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 3:50 PM edit delete reply
it should also be noted that the douchey side is also the megalomania cal side.
ProfEtheric 4th Feb 2016, 9:17 PM edit delete reply

Hit it with your HEAD, Douchimus. We all know there is nothing soft or precious in there. You'll be fine.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:21 PM edit delete reply

HAHAH - Yeah well he could do that.. It might even work!
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 2:54 PM edit delete reply

Well, there is a german proverb that goes "Der Klügere gibt nach."
Which would translate to 'The wiser man gives in.'

In this case, it would probably be the door.
HiFranc 4th Feb 2016, 10:28 PM edit delete reply

As Sheela would say, "Freeze him first!"
Sheela 5th Feb 2016, 11:17 AM edit delete reply

Oh my no, if you freeze him, he just shatters on the first hit, whereas if you keep him thawed, you can hit the door many times with him, until he turns all red and squishy.

I'm sure Kali would enjoy that. :)
Dragonrider 4th Feb 2016, 9:21 PM edit delete reply

Related thought, wonder what he will do when the sparks and chips start flying from the power blades vs duraalloy door. Bet when he gets hit he will order one of the guardsman killed. Also proof of his inability read is ignoring the Nuke Hazard Sign right in front of him.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 9:22 PM edit delete reply

heheh he wouldnt be that dumb .. would he?
mjkj 5th Feb 2016, 12:27 AM edit delete reply

Of course he would, Cent XD
HiFranc 4th Feb 2016, 10:04 PM edit delete reply

Nuclear and biological hazards.
Sevian 4th Feb 2016, 10:34 PM edit delete reply

Don't forget the "genetically adaptive bloodborne pathogens", cause those sound especially all sorts of fun!
HiFranc 4th Feb 2016, 10:43 PM edit delete reply

I don't blame him for not noticing that. Those signs are probably in English and given Acantha's comments when they first visited Aeneas, English is an ancient language.[1]

{edit} In any case I think that Helios's virus counteracts those.

[1] From memory she said that she only understood 1 word in 10.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 11:07 PM edit delete reply

Correct . Hifranc
CptKerion 5th Feb 2016, 12:11 AM edit delete reply
I'm pretty sure the universal symbol there would stay universal. We've seen it on other things before I think... bah, I'll look it up later.
Just_IDD 5th Feb 2016, 10:53 AM edit delete reply
If you think about it, that would certainly apply to even our HepB and HepA Immune Deficiency Viruses. I find it funny that they list the blood borne viruses in the access tunnel. Would you expect much blood there?
Tokyo Rose 6th Feb 2016, 3:18 PM edit delete reply

Makes ya wonder, don't it?
HiFranc 4th Feb 2016, 10:05 PM edit delete reply

I wonder how he'll feel when he finds out that the tunnel leads to Aeneas?

{edit} I now have this image of Aeneas opening the door, and cutting off his retreat (and reinforcements), once Aeneas has disabled the contingencies.
Don 4th Feb 2016, 10:12 PM edit delete reply
I don't know what's funnier...the image of them trying to "fuck it open" or the image of it opening while they're trying...
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:13 AM edit delete reply

HiFranc 4th Feb 2016, 10:14 PM edit delete reply

Does Kali suspect (or know) where it leads?
Dragonrider 4th Feb 2016, 10:24 PM edit delete reply

Would bet that she is very certain it leads to Aeneas's city just isn't saying.
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 10:25 PM edit delete reply

She might soon if the prince would let her do her job..'
Tango Xray Actual 4th Feb 2016, 10:22 PM edit delete reply
Knew we'd get cliffhung.... sigh
Centcomm 4th Feb 2016, 10:25 PM edit delete reply

Sorry! Its not really a cliffhanger though , nothing is going to happen save a lot of ranting
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:14 AM edit delete reply

And a lot of cutting. Which will leave a certain group of guards with their blades' power cells mostly or completely dead.

How unfortunate.

But what trouble could they run into on the other side of that door anyway. I'm certain there is no danger afoot whatsoever.
Tokyo Rose 4th Feb 2016, 10:25 PM edit delete reply

*sadistic chuckle*
Sevian 4th Feb 2016, 10:43 PM edit delete reply

Oh, that's not ominous... Perhaps these bluebs are gonna wish they had some of that bio-aramid weave installed on those tender fleshy bits.
anonymous coward 4th Feb 2016, 10:58 PM edit delete reply
I'm not seeing the cliffhanger. Are you waiting with held breath for Decimus to stop acting like a moron? If so, I'd estimate you'll probably be waiting longer than it takes to complete the whole of Data Chasers should the patterns to date remain consistent.
CptKerion 5th Feb 2016, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
Cranial ventilation would improve his intellectual capacities because then at least he'd rest at 0 instead of negative points.
chk 5th Feb 2016, 12:56 PM edit delete reply

Oh, Monday is going to be awesome.
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:11 PM edit delete reply

Yes it is!
Brian 4th Feb 2016, 10:40 PM edit delete reply
I like the prince. He is so deliciously moronic.
HiFranc 4th Feb 2016, 10:50 PM edit delete reply

« Hands and some salt and pepper
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:10 PM edit delete reply

At least someone likes him.
The Old Scribe 4th Feb 2016, 10:59 PM edit delete reply

The word 'pathological' comes to mind. Ol' Douchebag doesn't deal well with frustration, does he? This joker is nuttier than a squirrel fart. If he didn't have the Terrible Three protecting him, it'd be fun to carve chunks off him with a laser and have him flush each one down the crapper; as long as he remained conscious, that is.:D
Centcomm 5th Feb 2016, 12:30 AM edit delete reply

Is giggling at squirrel fart far more than I should.
cattservant 4th Feb 2016, 11:51 PM edit delete reply

The prince is easily distracted.
Centcomm 7th Feb 2016, 12:57 AM edit delete reply

Yes he is!
CptKerion 5th Feb 2016, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
I... want... autocannon... aimed... at his skull... press button. Open fire.
He goes splat everywhere.

I have never, in the entire history of everything I have read, watched, played, or otherwise, wanted so much to kill a single person for any reason. So much. I want to apply a tactical nuke to his... EVERYTHING! AT ONCE!
Centcomm 5th Feb 2016, 12:28 AM edit delete reply

Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 2:28 AM edit delete reply

I will take this as a high compliment. :D
Greenwood Goat 5th Feb 2016, 2:58 AM edit delete reply
How's this...?


I will not yield,
To kiss the ground before young Acantha's feet,
And to be baited with the rabble's curse.
Though New Troy's tech be come to Nova Rome,
And thou opposed, being of no woman born,
Yet I will try the last. Before my body
I throw my warlike shield. Lay on, hot stuff,
And damn'd be him that first cries, 'Hold, enough!'


Turns DECIMUS LIVIUS into a large, wet smear.




We shall not spend a large expense of time
Before we reckon with your several loves,
And make us even with you.

Enter lustful MIRA and bloodlust-sated TEEDEE. Glompage. Weapon maintenance.

My friends and allies,
Henceforth be lords, the first that ever New Rome
In such an honour named. What's more to do,
Which would be planted newly with the time,
As calling home our exiled friends abroad
That fled the snares of doucheful tyranny;
Producing forth the cruel ministers
Of this dead butcher and his fiend-like droid,
Who, as 'tis thought, by self and violent hands
Took off her life; this, and what needful else
That calls upon us, by the grace of Grace,
We will perform in measure, time and place:
So, thanks to all at once and to each one,
Whom we invite to see us crown'd in Senate.

Flourish. LYNN and KYLE embrace. MAXUS and IRENE embrace. ACANTHA and AENEAS'S AVATAR stand together in grandeur. Finis.

(The finale of MacDouche by William Goatspeare. >:=)
DLKmusic 5th Feb 2016, 3:34 AM edit delete reply

OH, BRAVO, Great Goatspeare, thou hast bemused thine audience again!!!!

Truly, 'tis as legendary as:

"Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Goat a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.”

Midsummer Goats Dream
Tokyo Rose 6th Feb 2016, 3:20 PM edit delete reply

@Greenwood Goat

Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:09 PM edit delete reply

Wooow... ok color me impressed
Wolfsbane 6th Feb 2016, 11:31 PM edit delete reply

Bravo, Goat. Forsooth, 'twere glad to see that I am not the only one who dost enjoy creating such twists of text.
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 12:36 AM edit delete reply
That was... amazing... truly, deeply, amazing.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:17 AM edit delete reply

A true piece of art, verily it is.
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 3:51 PM edit delete reply
I would be entirely unsurprised if that lovely work of art made its way into a guest strip or an interlude filler.
mjkj 5th Feb 2016, 12:24 AM edit delete reply

Well, he got himself locked out... =P

Poor Kali, though...

Centcomm 5th Feb 2016, 12:29 AM edit delete reply

Yep Kali is stuck listening to shit for brains here
mjkj 5th Feb 2016, 12:32 AM edit delete reply

I wonder when Aeneas starts playing Acantha's favorite game with them: Barrel Crusher... =D
Visvires 5th Feb 2016, 3:19 AM edit delete reply
Oh, you just know he's going to barrel right in when the door opens of its own accord. :D
Sheela 5th Feb 2016, 11:22 AM edit delete reply

The truly funny thing, is that one of those biological keys might actually be the princes DNA.
ie., he might actually hold the key in his very hand, but due to his moronic behavior, had the door deadbolt on his ass for 30 minutes.
Ofcourse, when he commanded Kali to do it, she didn't balk at the order, she simply went "I obey" and typed it in while thinking, "Yesssssss, itll keep him out for a while." :D
Tokyo Rose 6th Feb 2016, 3:21 PM edit delete reply

Remember, Sheela, that sometimes the very best form of defiance is to do exactly as you are told. :D (This is Noctis's favorite method of rebellion, in fact.)
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 12:36 AM edit delete reply
Literal genies.
I like playing that game.
The goal eventually becomes to be as specific as is humanly possible.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:18 AM edit delete reply

I'm actually fairly certain that for once Kali really enjoyed following that command and informing the prince about its consequences.
Stormwind13 7th Feb 2016, 9:53 PM edit delete reply

I think you might be right, Lukkai. It had to give her a certain satisfaction to screw up his plans. Especially knowing that while he is down here he can't be issuing counter commands that could prevent the Cassians from aiding Maxus' men (and women O.O).

I'm wondering if Kali managed to direct him down here, or if it was his own idea to go chasing. Gets him out of the way neatly.
Lukkai 9th Feb 2016, 6:56 PM edit delete reply

Well, if anything, Decimus wouldn't have needed more than one very slight prod into the right direction to personally go after Lynn and Acantha.
I think a simple "Your sister and Miss Taylor are still fleeing. But Nox is on their tails. I'd strongly advise not taking any further action on this until we hear of her again." would have done it, really. That last part, that is.
DLKmusic 5th Feb 2016, 1:12 AM edit delete reply

At this point, I'm starting to feel sorry for Kali. She's designed for cunning and patience, and Prince Rhodes Scholar here is testing both to their limits.

Added bonus for Kali, she's still a hostile Target for the NT Strike team.

I know everyone is gonna hate me for saying this, but TeeDee is starting to make Malati look like Mother Theresa.
HiFranc 5th Feb 2016, 1:35 AM edit delete reply

Why would we hate you? In TeeDee's defence, I would say that she was suffering from temporary insanity but I can see how you came to your conclusion.

{edit} After this is all over, I can see Dolly and Kali connecting. I suspect that Kali would envy the fact that all of Dolly's charges grow up.
Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 2:33 AM edit delete reply

Dolly did have to deal with Lynn's grandmother, who just turned out to be a slow starter. Kali, however, is stuck babysitting the psychopathic man-child and privately lamenting the fact that she can't get even remotely close to being as drunk as she'd like to be.
Evervigilant 5th Feb 2016, 3:37 AM edit delete reply
Too bad Nyan Cat didn't start playing in an endless loop on the door console after the failed password attempt. It would probably be preferable to listening to Doucheimous rant on.
Sheela 5th Feb 2016, 11:25 AM edit delete reply

I kinda miss Malati, I enjoyed her antics, and humor.
DLKmusic 5th Feb 2016, 2:35 PM edit delete reply
Me too, Sheela... only take away the "kinda".
Guest 5th Feb 2016, 9:17 PM edit delete reply
She should try sniffing some tea.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:19 AM edit delete reply

CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 12:38 AM edit delete reply
"I am sorry my Prince, I appear to have suffered an auditory malfunction."
Haegan2005 5th Feb 2016, 9:43 AM edit delete reply

I actually enjoy the Prince's scenes. Lots of 'Oh My" going on there!
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:08 PM edit delete reply

Hehe glad to oblige :)
KarToon12 5th Feb 2016, 10:12 AM edit delete reply

Ooh...a ticking clock is about to start. *insert music from Jeopardy*
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:07 PM edit delete reply

Tick tock :)
chk 5th Feb 2016, 10:23 AM edit delete reply

Impossible? But, but I commanded it.
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:07 PM edit delete reply

He still doesn't get it yet
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 3:02 PM edit delete reply

Maybe he should try shouting codephrases at the door. I hear that went well for someone searching a certain robber gang's cave.
TheD-Wrek 5th Feb 2016, 11:46 AM edit delete reply

Dang... I'm getting scared. X'D
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:06 PM edit delete reply

Wait till next week that's when the fun starts.
Stormwind13 6th Feb 2016, 8:17 PM edit delete reply

What?!? You mean people haven't been having fun up until now?!? O.O
odhrain 5th Feb 2016, 12:41 PM edit delete reply
Behind that door is only the empty subway tunnel. And after that long walk comes a second, identical door.
And because the powerblades are surely burnt out then, the guards will have to try to fuck it open, as Decimus demanded. ;-)
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:06 PM edit delete reply

Yeah not going to be easy...
Mark_L_A 5th Feb 2016, 2:12 PM edit delete reply

Seriously beginning to think his "Tastes" have got him a super strain of syphilis. And his "Ego" has kept him from allowing anyone to properly examine or treat him.
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:05 PM edit delete reply

Hehe that is a rather funny theory.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:21 AM edit delete reply

I'm not sure (well, you are obviously, but...), but that actually sounds plausible.

And it doesn't even have to be a super strain. Regular one might just do the trick.
Matt Knab 5th Feb 2016, 2:20 PM edit delete reply

Doors are hard... in more ways than one!
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:04 PM edit delete reply

Hehe oh yes they are quite hard.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:21 AM edit delete reply

But not as hard as the Bluebs attachments, in Decimus' mind it would seem. ;)
HiFranc 5th Feb 2016, 2:28 PM edit delete reply

I hope that he doesn't get through the doors until Aeneas is at full strength. Then I hope that Aeneas gives him time to absorb the full implications of his predicament.

I also hope that he reprograms the Cassians so that they protect those that need protecting. Maybe do that before making Decimus aware of his situation?
DLKmusic 5th Feb 2016, 2:34 PM edit delete reply
If I understand Nova Roma law correctly as the girls have laid it out, Aeneas doesn't need to reprogram the Cassians. All he has to do is recognize Acantha as the legitimate heir, and denounce Decimus as a Usurper.
HiFranc 5th Feb 2016, 2:45 PM edit delete reply

True. However, societies where people pledge allegiance to the ruler tend to be tyrannies. What is needed is a culture change where people are working towards protecting the innocent, voiceless, law, constitution, etc. Such a change in programming for Cassians goes a long way to prevent a future despot from arising.
Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 3:18 PM edit delete reply

The Cassians are more like the Secret Service than a general police force; they're specifically intended to protect and serve the Imperator and the royal family, not the population in general.
rfaramir 5th Feb 2016, 2:28 PM edit delete reply
Burnt out power blades for all his bodyguards is an improvement...
Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 8:04 PM edit delete reply

Arming them with pool noodles would arguably be an improvement. Bunch of wankers.
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 12:39 AM edit delete reply
Hell, don't even bother arming them with pool noodles. Just send the pool noodles. They're a cheaper way of getting the same, or better, results. 5th Feb 2016, 3:22 PM edit delete reply
As interesting as it is to gawk at how far removed from Reality that Decimus is, I keep wondering what derailed him in the first place. Someone that clueless should not have survived palace intrigue to reach adulthood, let alone any position of power. There may not be enough drugs in the world to help him now, but if it had been caught at the beginning? Assuming a "royal family" would admit one of them needed such help.
Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 3:42 PM edit delete reply

His current derailment arises from the fact that someone almost shot him, his sister and hostage have bailed, and his palace is being invaded--which probably all count as fairly good reasons for someone to slip a cog or two. :)

I realize that Decimus's intelligence and savviness are pretty much "informed attributes" at this point, but I suspect that all but the most devoted readers* would have bailed if we'd shown a whole chapter of Decimus's planning, scheming, and political maneuvering, along with introducing the Senate members who support (or enable) his rule.

*Or the people who genuinely enjoy, say, "Spice and Wolf".
Aurora 5th Feb 2016, 5:49 PM edit delete reply
Oh, Spice and Wolf, such a lovely anime that desperately needs another season. Or at least an OVA...
Timotheus 5th Feb 2016, 6:29 PM edit delete reply

I love "Spice and Wolf". I'm currently waiting impatiently for the pre-ordered last volume of the manga series to arrive.
Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 7:29 PM edit delete reply

Okay, so there's at least two :D
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:24 AM edit delete reply

Make that three.

I'm also a fan of Juuni Kokki and the whole Crest of the Stars franchise.
Tokyo Rose 5th Feb 2016, 8:30 PM edit delete reply

To expand further on my semi-answer above and walk straight into "Word of God" territory (as it's never been addressed in the comic), Decimus's mother was the daughter of a Senator; the family has a history of mental illness and personality disorders, but it's much downplayed, as is often the case, especially with socially prominent families. Mom was a classic narcissist who would have spoiled the shit out of Decimus because he was essentially an extension of herself, but Valerius fought a sort of holding action against that shit. (He wasn't entirely successful, but to be fair, the dude was having to run an entire city-state at the same time.)

Real history is RIFE with people who are crazier than a shithouse rat and yet still gained so much power that their decisions and actions had noticeable effects on the entire world. (Mussolini and Hitler were decidedly lacking inwhat we'd call stable personalities; Japan's high command decided to pick fights with the United States, China, Russia, and Britain all at the same time...)
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:03 PM edit delete reply

I think Rose answered this quite nicely
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 12:48 AM edit delete reply
and then there are cases like Caligula who were perfectly sane, and then had something (probably a stroke in Caligula's case) drive them absolutely nuts and make their horse the Pontifex Maximus. Apparently his early reign was exceedingly successful and he did a great job. Then he fell suddenly, with little warning extremely ill for some time before recovering, and being seemingly an entirely different and totally insane person.

Genetic problems can cause quite similar issues.
When you take genetics and exacerbate them with treatment... wellll... yeaaaahhh. You get this raging fuckwit.
So he is mommy's puppet, but not enough to be easily passed as a puppet to another, and has daddy issues to boot, especially how he'll never live up to his father. So he's insane, infantile, AND bitter.

In other words:
The last person you ever want with any form of power. Not even over the remote for the television, let alone an entire state.
Visvires 7th Feb 2016, 7:52 AM edit delete reply
Another Spice and Wolf reader reporting.

Any chance of the scheming and politics making it into a blog post?? The Senate, in particular, sounds like an interesting read.
Tokyo Rose 7th Feb 2016, 3:19 PM edit delete reply

It might :D
Sheela 8th Feb 2016, 3:47 PM edit delete reply

While I wasn't so much into the whole economics part of Spice 'n' Wolf, I did love the beautiful scenery and characters.
It was a lovely anime. :)
I particularly have a soft spot for the opening.

Also .. apples. :)
Steven-Vincent 5th Feb 2016, 5:59 PM edit delete reply

Hahah that was awesome... Do it... but my lord... do it!!... SYSTEM LOCKDOWN.

Centcomm 5th Feb 2016, 9:15 PM edit delete reply

Oh yes , so very owned...
Dragonrider 5th Feb 2016, 10:13 PM edit delete reply

A final comment on Hiz Imperial Nutjobiness. At this point I think most of your readers figure the Armageddon Douchies death would cause is a small price to pay to kill the SOB.
NinjaYacdan 5th Feb 2016, 11:07 PM edit delete reply
I want to hypnotize the douche in chief and force him to watch teletubbies until his eyes bleed...
HiFranc 6th Feb 2016, 5:11 AM edit delete reply

I think that was count as cruel and unusual punishment (even in New Rome).
Centcomm 6th Feb 2016, 6:01 PM edit delete reply

Whoa... that's just mean
Stormwind13 6th Feb 2016, 8:21 PM edit delete reply

As deranged as Douchimus is, Ninja... He would probably LIKE Teletubbies. :-P
Guest 6th Feb 2016, 11:06 AM edit delete reply
Looking at this as a traditional military engineering problem, I believe that this group should be heading into a lot of damage. The first door would not be designed to withstand serious attack by sappers but to resist overpressure from nearby explosions. Anything going past the door without shutting down the security systems would be considered a hostile attack and fair game for mines, automated weapons, and booby traps. Entering the proper codes would shut down the automated defense systems or at least move them from "kill anything that moves" to "be prepared to kill on command". Since it leads to tunnels, the logical approach would be to have multiple decoy tunnels rigged with assorted nasty surprises. People have been trying to tunnel through this for a few hundred years A discussion of fighting involving tunnels
Tokyo Rose 6th Feb 2016, 3:31 PM edit delete reply

Good points, but keep in mind that this is not intended to be a military strong point. It's a maintenance access. What it accesses is Aeneas's complex, so there's certainly security involved, but the serious measures are at Aeneas's end.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 12:27 AM edit delete reply

Those however are certainly no slouch.
Timotheus 7th Feb 2016, 3:01 AM edit delete reply

Think of this door this way, it's a access tunnel entrance from inside a fortress to a fortress. It's essentially a locked broom closet door intended to keep honest people honest and not really defend anything. Any real defenses are at the the other end where they really want to keep you out.
Stormwind13 7th Feb 2016, 12:06 PM edit delete reply

If you have battle steel Lukkai why would you put up balsa wood? :-) Might not expect to need it, but a genuine accident could make you very glad you used it.
Lukkai 7th Feb 2016, 3:08 PM edit delete reply

I can think of one reason for the balsa, actually. And that is to set up a trap.

But as far as this door goes, it really is pretty much what Timotheus said. You don't want unauthorised people to enter this part, but you're not expecting heavy duty weapons or tools to be used on it. So you make a good lock and use a material for door and wall that makes sure the lock can't simply be bypassed by tearing down one of those.

And that's enough at this point. Any actual defenses will be placed where it actually counts. And that's further up.
CptKerion 7th Feb 2016, 3:54 PM edit delete reply
Thought (the tinfoil hat is indeed on): repairing Aeneas will give him back control over many systems, allowing him to override Doucheimus' failsafes, allowing you to safely achieve cranial ventilation or (my present theory as to his impending death, possibly foreshadowed previously) smashed by a door ala dungeon lords (see: Wham!... WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!).
Stormwind13 7th Feb 2016, 9:57 PM edit delete reply

Too quick, CptK. Aeneas should smack him with the door, stunning him. Then close it on him so he can't slide out and every so slowly CLOSE it (once he is not stunned so Douchimus can KNOW what is happening). The panic and terror Douchimus would suffer seems appropriate for him. :-)
Caley Tibbittz Collopy 12th Mar 2017, 12:57 PM edit delete reply

If this was a Choose Your Own Adventure comic, I'd click on "fuck it open". Bwahaha.
Anonymouth 31st Mar 2017, 6:20 AM edit delete reply
Each of the blue armored idiots manages to melt a small, round hole in the door, before having to immediately switch to plan B.

"For the glory of Nova Roma!!!" was their cry, prior to thrusting their 'short swords' into the smoldering holes.
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