Comic 1348 - New Shovel

8th May 2016, 9:00 PM
New Shovel
Average Rating: 5 (21 votes)

Author Notes:

Centcomm 9th May 2016, 12:36 PM edit delete
Hi there - I hate to ask but if any of you kind people could drop of a few penny's this way it would be very helpful. Stupid things like food and such..

Also yes i am reading all your kind comments. Keep it up- I haven't been responding due to spoilers and being really busy. Thank you guys you make this comic great!
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Dragonrider 8th May 2016, 9:03 PM edit delete reply

Looks like Acantha may be considering regicide with her hand in a quick draw poaition. Don't blame her as Douchie just threatened to kill her. Possibly a shot in the legs might drop him and slow him down.

BTW Acantha he has absolutely no idea what is happening except in his private wet dream.
Lukkai 9th May 2016, 3:37 PM edit delete reply

Considering he's flailing around a sword that he's got considerable training with for all we know, a shot in the leg actually sounds like a legit act right now. And shouldn't evoke the contingencies yet.
ProfEtheric 8th May 2016, 9:07 PM edit delete reply

Yeah! Get 'im!
The Old Scribe 8th May 2016, 9:11 PM edit delete reply

Shoot the dumb sonofabitch in the balls. It's not fatal, but the pain will make him cry for his Mommy. Either that or kneecap him. Aeneas needs to shut off those Doomsday Machines so the girls can really give that asshole a pounding. Dying's too good for him.
Dragonrider 8th May 2016, 9:49 PM edit delete reply

Putting one in the family jewels is way to close to the femoral artery, you bleed to death in less than 15 minutes when that is cut. kneecap or one in the foot sounds about right, max pain keeps him conscious and still listening to his Fruit Loops.
Visvires 9th May 2016, 2:31 AM edit delete reply
Not really viable on a moving target. There was a brief window of opportunity after he got punched where she might've drawn and taken out his limbs. Or rushed up and yanked the sword.

She used it to check if Lynn was okay.
Lukkai 9th May 2016, 3:38 PM edit delete reply

He's not really moving a lot right now. I think it still could be done. Especially since he's not expecting something like that in the slightest.
Visvires 9th May 2016, 8:30 PM edit delete reply
A knee is a very small target, and can be moved entirely out of position without shifting center of mass, and with speed similar to the limbs aiming the gun. He can move his knees as she finishes lining up the shot. It's not an impossible shot, but she'd need to be an absolute dead eye, plus immune to the effects of adrenaline. We're talking about targets the size of skeet, without aid of a shotgun's spread, and subject to intelligent dodging.
Lukkai 10th May 2016, 4:01 PM edit delete reply

But then he's quite close to Acantha and if there's one thing he'll not expect is for her to attack him. So chances are high, his reaction would come way too late to move his leg out of the way. And on this short distance, even a knee is not that hard a target anymore.

Now I'm not saying its click-and-win or perfectly easy. But it's definitely doable and might not even be the worst option here.
mjkj 10th May 2016, 11:25 AM edit delete reply

Well, Dragonrider, that might be good actually, since it would get Kali to react and help him instead of fighting Dolly...
jamie59 8th May 2016, 9:23 PM edit delete reply

Didn't someone say something about bringing a knife to a gun fight. Too bad putting one between his eyes might not be the best of ideas.
Tango Xray Actual 8th May 2016, 10:16 PM edit delete reply
Actually, up close and personal, a blade can be more effective than a pistol.

If they are within 20 feet, he can probably bury the blade in her before she can clear the draw.

But remember also, how fast Dec is... as I recall he triple-tapped whatz-iz-name pretty damned fast over the dinner table a while back, so the question would be is the Princess faster and just as accurate.

Side's which, she can't just center of mass him since that sets off Armageddon, so she have to some thing like douple-tap his knee-cap or hip joint.

Gonna enjoy watching this little family reunion play out... especially after Dec realizes his favorite AI is back online with fully restored functionality.
HiFranc 8th May 2016, 11:52 PM edit delete reply

Ceci (well Centcomm's version) may have stopped Aeneas coming back online properly.
Visvires 9th May 2016, 2:35 AM edit delete reply
However she may be planning to mess with things, once Ceci vs Rose-tachi has run its course, the result is going to be anti-Decimus.
Mark_L_A 8th May 2016, 9:47 PM edit delete reply

I second Kneecaps.
Sheela 9th May 2016, 6:11 AM edit delete reply

And shoes .. don't forget the shoes !
Guest 9th May 2016, 1:23 PM edit delete reply
now Sheela, a kneecap shot would not get as much blood on the shoes. As a good doggie, would you not rather to be able to claim any new holes in the footwear?
Sheela 9th May 2016, 4:51 PM edit delete reply

But ... the blood adds flavor to the shoes !
plymayer 8th May 2016, 10:19 PM edit delete reply

No. No he has no idea.
HiFranc 8th May 2016, 10:24 PM edit delete reply

I am debating whether it's a good idea to tell him that Max is alive and, as far as they know, Aeneas will be fully functional.

For: It'd wipe the smile off his face. Maybe make him fear.

Against: It'd give him tactical information that means that he had time to prepare.

I'm tending to keep quiet.
mjkj 8th May 2016, 11:08 PM edit delete reply

You go Acantha!!! Tell him - and silence him!!! *hugs her*
Timotheus 9th May 2016, 12:40 AM edit delete reply

I'm wondering if the Ceci problem might have been that she has detected this situation and abandoned her post in the Aeneas repair to come to aid of Dolly and Lynn. (That's the problem with all these overlapping story lines, keeping relative time straight.)
Visvires 9th May 2016, 2:39 AM edit delete reply
Except they weren't bemoaning a loss of assistance. They were cursing her sudden but inevitable betrayal. She didn't pack up and leave, she's trying to mess with something she isn't supposed to.
Sheela 9th May 2016, 6:13 AM edit delete reply

Or she went insane .. ie. the "disposable personality" didn't like being "disposed of" and is still kicking around.

CeCi Lives !!
HeSerpenty 9th May 2016, 1:56 AM edit delete reply

Yea TELL HIM Acantha!

Lol it's satisfying to watch him try speak with his new lisp <33
Centcomm 9th May 2016, 2:02 AM edit delete reply

theres someone from your comic i wouldnt mind getting busted in the mouth!! you know who that is :)
HiFranc 9th May 2016, 2:28 AM edit delete reply

I can just see it now:

Acantha: You're such a good strategist that you managed to turn the whole world against you! I could just return the way I came and I would be protected.

Decimus: They wouldn't dare!

Kali: My lord, I detect that she's telling the truth.

Acantha: Right now they're repairing my friend.

Decimus: What friend of yours would dare to stand up to me?

Kali: [slow realisation] No, no, no! My lord you are in danger.

Kali: [Thought bubble] Unfortunately, I have to save him from himself. Aeneas, please take these shackles off me.

{edit} Or, even better:

Big booming voice: Leave them alone Decimus Livus!

Decimus: Who are you?

Big booming voice: I am Aeneas, Dickhead! Your contingencies have have been disabled and the cassians reporgammed to protect the citizens of Nova Roma!

I name Acantha ruler. What are you instructions my Queen?
Visvires 9th May 2016, 4:06 AM edit delete reply
If Aeneas pulls a full stop on archaic meme spouting, I'm going to consider his repairs a net negative.
Sheela 9th May 2016, 6:16 AM edit delete reply

Yeah, his rambling was oddly entertaining and engaging.

Booming voice : "I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie wooorld. Made of plastic, it's fantastic."
Acantha : "Doh!"
Stormwind13 9th May 2016, 1:26 PM edit delete reply

I think that Rose was trying to preserve that, Visvires, by preserving his personality. Now what survives the CentComm (CeCi) mess is ANYONE's guess.
Visvires 10th May 2016, 7:34 AM edit delete reply
If Ceci tries to access Aeneas' new knowledge of Rose, the fallout is going to glow.
Stormwind13 10th May 2016, 3:08 PM edit delete reply

Oh... Yeah Visvires that could be... BAD! =O
Greenwood Goat 9th May 2016, 3:00 AM edit delete reply
Ooh! Dec! Say "Simon the Sadducee Slayer"! And that guy you were going to replace Maxus with, can he pronounce his Rs? "Biggus Decus is Imperwator! Pwinceps! The greatest wank in all Nova Woma!" >:=D>
Visvires 9th May 2016, 5:52 AM edit delete reply
Give us Brian!
Sheela 9th May 2016, 6:18 AM edit delete reply

Oh god yes .. Rose & Centcomm, we need a scene with Decimus being made a fool of in that manner - Make it a flashback scene if need be, or maybe a vote incentive.
It would be hilarious. :)
Wolfsbane 9th May 2016, 2:01 PM edit delete reply

oooooo... you're dithpicable!

(wabbit season!)
Tokyo Rose 9th May 2016, 3:15 PM edit delete reply

Shit, now I kind of want to do this.
Sheela 9th May 2016, 4:52 PM edit delete reply

Bonus : It would piss him off to no end! :)
Visvires 10th May 2016, 5:38 AM edit delete reply
It does not have to be canon. :)
Sheela 10th May 2016, 6:09 AM edit delete reply

But it would totally work in a Cannon !
As long as it's aimed at Decimus, cannon's work just fine!

Maybe Decimus speaks Roma kinda like how the Spaniards speaks spanish with a lisp.

Edit :
Oh, and in the event that someone is so UNCULTURED, that they don't know the movie Life of Brian - Here's a little video of the whole Bickus Dickus malarcy.
... he has a wife, you know ?
Visvires 10th May 2016, 7:35 AM edit delete reply
Cannon can be a requirement, but canon isn't.
Tokyo Rose 10th May 2016, 3:23 PM edit delete reply

You know what she's called?
Sheela 10th May 2016, 4:39 PM edit delete reply

It is almost impossible to not laugh with the centurions during that line. :D
KarToon12 9th May 2016, 5:53 AM edit delete reply

Can't wait to see him finally get his ass kicked. >:)
JUST_IDD 9th May 2016, 6:47 AM edit delete reply
I'm more interested in the speech lessons. Did Deci-poo once have a speeth impedith-ment?
xpacetrue 9th May 2016, 8:17 AM edit delete reply

I think it's pretty clear that when Dolly decked Dec in the mouth with her gun, she either broke his jaw or the swelling and loss of teeth is making it difficult for him to speak. The impact may have even had him bite his tongue.

I think the injury is very fitting. They can't exactly kill him. But if they wire his jaw shut, that would stop the flow of sewage and idiocy. And it'd prevent him from giving orders.
Kitty 9th May 2016, 6:01 PM edit delete reply
Yes, he's talking with fewer teeth, but notice he's telling himself to remember the speech lessons. The lisp is an old thing returned to haunt his ass!
Stormwind13 9th May 2016, 1:33 PM edit delete reply

If you hover over the pictures JUST_IDD your question would be answered. :-)
Tokyo Rose 9th May 2016, 3:17 PM edit delete reply

I know some people don't know about alt-text, and that it doesn't necessarily work well on some devices. So I'll type it out here:

Unfun fact: Decimus had a lisp as a child before his permanent teeth came in. His mom flipped her shit and insisted on speech lessons so he'd be "perfect".
Sheela 10th May 2016, 6:18 AM edit delete reply

Imagines the queen flipping the toilet.

.... daaaaayum!
chk 9th May 2016, 11:22 AM edit delete reply

Someone cutting through the door at the end of the corridor?
Gilrandir 9th May 2016, 1:13 PM edit delete reply
Theoretically, no one coming from the palace should need to be cutting through anything, since Decimus and company have been leaving a trail of violated and compromised security doors in their wake. The only doors likely to be intact are those whose passcode happens to be the Prince's birthday.
Gilrandir 9th May 2016, 2:02 PM edit delete reply
In fact, wouldn't that be cool ...

"By order of the Imperator, all security door codes shall be changed to the birthday of our Glorious Leader! Failure to comply will be considered rebellion, the assets of the rebels shall be seized and their lives forfeit to the Crown."

That would help ensure that Decimus doesn't have to suffer this indignity and inconvenience in the future. ^_^
Sheela 10th May 2016, 6:30 AM edit delete reply

Oh ...
Oh man ...

... I have to do this !

Unfortunate Rebel , vs. Malati and Noctis :

Rebel : "I'll tell, I'll tell!
Malati : "I knew it would work - Allright, give it to me.
*Noctis stand next to Malati with a notepad in hand*
Rebel : Allright, the combination is ..."

Rebel : "1"
Malati : "1!"
Noctis : "1!" *makes note*

Rebel : "2"
Malati : "2!"
Noctis : "2!" *scribbles*

Rebel : "3"
Malati : "3!"
Noctis : "3!" *scribbles*

Rebel : "4"
Malati : "4!"
Noctis : "4!" *scribbles*

*long pause*

Rebel : " ... 5!"
Malati : "5!"
Noctis : "5!" *makes final note*

Malati : "So the final combination is 1-2-3-4-5 ?"
Malati : "That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my entire life!"
Malati : "That's the kind of code an idiot would have on his luggage!"
Noctis : "It's the same code that Decimus has on his luggage."
Malati : "Well, I *did* say an idiot, did I not?"

Inspired by this Spaceball scene, ofcourse.
Tokyo Rose 10th May 2016, 3:24 PM edit delete reply

ANOTHER gloriously hilarious movie :D
Sheela 10th May 2016, 4:52 PM edit delete reply

It is a classic.
So many good scenes in that movie.
The hair dryer scene, the "you're in now, now", "they jammed the radar", Mr Cofee, the scene I linked and many, many more.
xpacetrue 10th May 2016, 6:36 PM edit delete reply

In terms of classic sci-fi comic gold, another one that should be considered is Galaxy Quest. So hilarious! Starring Tim Allen, no less. It was the parody to Star Trek what Space Balls was to Star Wars.
Stormwind13 9th May 2016, 1:32 PM edit delete reply

The horrified look on Arianna's face, as she listens to Douchimus is very well done, CentComm. Not sure she is just horrified by Douchimus in general or that he so boldly claims that her master, her General was (ordered) killed.

And a good job with the fonts and obvious struggle Douchimus is having talking through the rearrangement of his mouth, Rose. :-)
Tokyo Rose 9th May 2016, 3:20 PM edit delete reply

I had fun playing with ways to show that his speech is affected. I'm pretty pleased with the results myself! :D
Lukkai 9th May 2016, 4:07 PM edit delete reply

Also Arianna's face in the last panel. Partly she seems to wonder if Acantha has completely lost it. Mostly however Acantha simply is her big ass freakin' hero right now.
HiFranc 10th May 2016, 2:30 AM edit delete reply

I was going to say that she already knew about Decimus's order but it turns out had a little heat exchange problem so may not have noticed.
Timotheus 9th May 2016, 2:11 PM edit delete reply

If we go back to comic thirty or so we're informed that Lynn has received a fair amount of combat training (at least with knives and/or hand held energy weapons). I think she could probably take out his Lowness in a blade fight. Too bad she never got her bracelet back.
Lukkai 9th May 2016, 4:01 PM edit delete reply

I don't think she'd have any chance in a fight if he sees her coming. Unless his arrogance goes as far as letting her get one in "give me your best shot".
Decimus definitely has had more training than her in that regard.
Morituri 9th May 2016, 2:29 PM edit delete reply
Normally Kali would stop anyone who tries to kill the prince.

It'd be a little hard to do that while Dolly is rearranging your spine though.
velvetsanity 9th May 2016, 3:01 PM edit delete reply

Someone should reprogram the contingencies so that drekhead has to only speak in Monty Python quotes to keep them from going off. And also, at least once per day, hold a press conference wherein he has to sing a comedic or filk song. Without repeating a song more often than, say, once or twice a month. While dressed appropriately for the song.

o/' I'm an asshoooooooooollllle o/'
o/' I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, I sleep all night and I work all day o/'
o/' because I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, really really fat o/'
o/' dashing trough da snow, in my rusty Chevrolet, down da road I go, sliding all da way o/'
o/' if, while you're out in space love, you're horny as a targ, take a tip from a security chief love, that fat slut Tasha Yar o/'
o/' that Liverpool ship, that wonderful ship, now that's the ship for me, it's called the Queen Fairy and it's quite a sight to see o/'
o/' well I had one pint of beer and one shot of scotch, one bottle of wine and a bourbon on the rocks, I had one lassie on me right another on me left, I looked that muppet in the eye and said give me the test o/'
DLKmusic 9th May 2016, 5:17 PM edit delete reply

I got a couple I would like to see him dress up for to sing. starting with....

/o' Leprosy,
all my limbs are falling off of me,
My eyes are blind I cannot see,
cause I've contracted Leprosy"

(dedicated to beatles fans everywhere)
Lukkai 9th May 2016, 4:20 PM edit delete reply

I see the remaining blueb got clear at least for now.
Sheela 9th May 2016, 4:54 PM edit delete reply

Meanwhile, Dr Silver's nyan-cat virus starts to affect people ... and then it turns quite dark!
Tokyo Rose 10th May 2016, 4:24 AM edit delete reply

I have been on the Internet long enough to know NOT TO CLICK ON THINGS WHY DID I CLICK IT WHY WHY WHY *curls up in corner, twitching*
Stormwind13 10th May 2016, 5:14 AM edit delete reply

BAD doggie!!! You broke Rose!!! No doggie treats for you!!!
Sheela 10th May 2016, 6:38 AM edit delete reply

Aw .. it wasn't even that bad.

It could be worse.
Lukkai 10th May 2016, 4:24 PM edit delete reply

I think that was fun.
Matt Knab 10th May 2016, 2:15 AM edit delete reply

At least he's consistent!
Morituri 10th May 2016, 10:26 AM edit delete reply
Acantha could totally shoot Decimus right now and order Kali to stand down.

She'd survive long enough to do it, because Kali's busy with Dolly.

That only gives them until Deck's next "not dead yet" check to disarm the contingencies, but with Aeneas coming online, that's not nearly as big a risk as ... well, not nearly as big a risk as NOT shooting him.
Gilrandir 10th May 2016, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
Actually, the contingencies triggered hours ago when Doc Silver's cyberattack caused the defense center to lose contact with Prince Decimus implanted biomonitors. Decimus was similarly not alerted that he needed to provide the failsafe code, because no communications, so the missiles are prepping for launch in their silos as we speak. The rest of this is just a pleasant way of keeping people entertained in Nova Roma's final hours. Please do not be alarmed and go about your business. Thank you.

(Just kidding. ^_^)
Stormwind13 10th May 2016, 3:33 PM edit delete reply

:-( Data Chasers has dropped to 12!
Timotheus 10th May 2016, 6:04 PM edit delete reply

I've been voting every day, honest!
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