Comic 1389 - Phenomenally Crappy Stick Figure Filler!

10th Aug 2016, 2:50 AM
Phenomenally Crappy Stick Figure Filler!
Average Rating: 5 (10 votes)

Author Notes:

Tokyo Rose 10th Aug 2016, 2:50 AM edit delete
Tokyo Rose
Since our guest artist hasn't finished, but we said we'd be updating Wednesday, here. This is, boiled down, exactly what happened on the Fourth of July, which is when Terri first went into the hospital and they found the troponin proteins in her blood work, indicating damage to cardiac muscle. Terri's been afraid of having a heart attack for a very long time, and has had numerous false alarms before. This was the one time the alarm wasn't fucking false.

And no, I will never, ever, ever fucking forgive myself for this.

Never.

EDIT: YOU WONDERFUL EMPATHETIC PEOPLE ARE KILLING ME HERE. LAUGH AT MY SHITTY PAGE AND AWKWARD TERRIBLE JOKE INSTEAD.

(on a serious note, thank you to everyone; you're all being really cool)
Centcomm 10th Aug 2016, 12:39 PM edit delete
Centcomm
Ill step in here a moment and say this. I never blamed Rose for this. Sure i had a lot of false alarms because a heart thing is one of the triggers for my panic attacks and time and time again she has put up with me. And this started pretty much the same way. Okay maybe the pain in my arm was worse. a LOT worse. But overall? It was just like the others Krissy and Sam were right there when they turned out the lights for my surgery and they are the first ones I remember when I came back. They visited me almost every single day - Krissy even making me a burger and bringing it to the hospital. So yeah. I think shes gone above and beyond and even now - has taken me to doctors appts and come over to help me do things i cant do right now.

So yes.. You are forgiven as if there was ever anything to forgive. HUGS!
Tokyo Rose 10th Aug 2016, 3:24 PM edit delete
Tokyo Rose
You called me up complaining that suddenly hospital food sucked and you wanted a burger from McDonald's. The WTF level of a triple-bypass patient calling from the cardiac recovery unit asking for a fast-food hamburger short-circuited my brain so fucking hard that all I could do to reset it was make you a burger (on my Foreman grill, with 93% lean meat, no salt).
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Comments:

sigpig 10th Aug 2016, 3:29 AM edit delete reply

To be brutally honest, yes - you CAN and SHOULD forgive yourself. Because Terri is still alive.
cattservant 10th Aug 2016, 3:50 AM edit delete reply

That's right!
Stormwind13 10th Aug 2016, 4:47 AM edit delete reply

Totally agree. Terri had called wolf before, so you thought it more of the same. When you found out differently you immediately took action. The first was (this time) a bad call, but one that the past allowed to happen. Terri survived it.

What is important is that you have been helping her now when she needs it. Learn from the past and move on.
sigpig 11th Aug 2016, 10:35 AM edit delete reply

I wouldn't say that Terri "called wolf", as anxiety attacks make things seem too real. To her, she WAS having a heart attack, even if it was "just" a minor pain having nothing to do with her heart. Considering that it was a triple-bypass, Terri may have been feeling actual heart-related pain that never showed up in the various scans and blood tests...
mjkj 10th Aug 2016, 7:51 AM edit delete reply

Fourthed.
Sheela 11th Aug 2016, 3:09 AM edit delete reply

Yeah well, tough love Rose, we can't help you out here, only yourself can forgive yourself.

As for the rest of us, we never blamed you to begin with.
Haegan2005 10th Aug 2016, 5:44 AM edit delete reply

To err is human.

Terri has forgiven you. I'm pretty sure of it.

Friends and Family make mistakes. We hurt each other without meaning to, because we do not think things through before hand or forgot something in their past it any of a dozen other stupid things.

The difference is that in real friendships we forgive each other. We hug, we cry, we are brutally frank about us being stupid and we say that we are sorry we hurt the other(s).

And the other saying its okay. I forgive.
Visvires 10th Aug 2016, 7:30 AM edit delete reply
Well, you'd better forgive yourself. You're laying claim to a hotly contested title, there. It's quite competitive. Do you have any idea how much time I have to spend driving really slow, in the ultra fast lane, just to keep my candidacy current?
mjkj 10th Aug 2016, 7:50 AM edit delete reply

Awww... *comforts Rose*
Karyl 10th Aug 2016, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
Holding yourself as bad won't help either you or Terri, so please don't! As others have said, we learn, we apologize, we move along. Terri hasn't sent you away, don't YOU send yourself away either.
Dragonrider 10th Aug 2016, 8:38 AM edit delete reply

Krissy, I believe the saying is, Shit Happens, life goes on. Not playing down what happened however I haven't seen MD, Cardio Vascular Surgeon, Cardiologist or any other Medical tag attached to your name, the only thing you could have accomplished was stress yourself out, berate Terri for making you come for a, perceived false alarm making her stress more and worsening her situation. PM to follow.
Shotgun15 10th Aug 2016, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
Krissy -
I have found the most difficult person to forgive - is our own self, and yet, forgiving our own self is the most important person to forgive - because - unforgiveness does a damage to us in so many different ways: Mentally, Physically and Spiritually.

Regardless of the initiating or extenuating circumstances, not being willing to forgive yourself has the potential of making you less available to Terri, in potentially several ways - exactly the opposite of what you want for yourself and her.

If as said, Terri has forgiven you, go to her, receive that from her in that special hug only she can give you and let that sink into you, in an acceptance like water being drawn into a parched sponge.
It has been said that having a good cry is like giving your soul a shower - Go For It ! I have no doubt it is waiting for you.

Love is fluid (the Greeks had nine words for the various aspects they saw) and it seeps its way into the places it is most needed.

No one is totally innocent nor at fault.
Her fears created a difficult situation for both of you and inadvertently caused barriers of misunderstanding.
When the reality was made known - you were there.
Bam!
Just like that.

This does not go into your "can't forgive myself" envelope - it goes into the "Lessons Learned" column, for both of you.
Please, I beg of you, do not let this damage the Sisterhood you two have developed. It is just too precious to risk.

Forgiveness nukes guilt - in both directions - even and especially for the one you see in your make up mirror.
And, guilt is a devil's wedge - don't nurture it - nuke it!

Soak it all up from each of us, we are sending it - you are so worth it, and Terri needs you to do this - for both of you.
sigpig 10th Aug 2016, 12:13 PM edit delete reply

Post. Of. The. DECADE!!!

ps: Krissy, on the asshole scale, from 0 to Trump, you're at about a negative 5. Assholes don't look after their friends, but you have cared for Terri for far longer than I know. As Spider Robinson has written, "Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased—thus do we refute entropy."

We have shared your and Terri's pain. Please, allow us to share with you the joy that she had made it through her ordeal...
Stormwind13 10th Aug 2016, 1:34 PM edit delete reply

Here, here sigpig... and thank you Shotgun for your words of wisdom. Saying it better than most could... Krissy should appreciate that. :-)
sigpig 11th Aug 2016, 10:37 AM edit delete reply

Thank you.
PriorKnowledge 10th Aug 2016, 12:02 PM edit delete reply
Maybe, just maybe, some of those "false alarms" were really angina pains ignored by doctors.

You have to forgive yourself, because you will be less a good human until you do. Or you can do what most do with guilt: Suppress the memory of your error most of the time, but cry yourself to sleep occasionally.
HiFranc 10th Aug 2016, 3:29 PM edit delete reply

I think that too. I posted the link in a comment on a previous page but there is evidence that the symptoms of heart attacks are different for men and women. The textbooks are based on the male experience.
DLKmusic 10th Aug 2016, 1:35 PM edit delete reply

Krissy,

I'm not gonna tell you not to beat yourself up over this, you're already getting more than enough of that, and as good advice as it is, it is a LOT easier said than done. But I do have 3 questions for you that I would like you to answer honestly to yourself.

1. If you HAD gone to the hospital with Terri initially, how would you have spent your time waiting with her?

a) holding her hand and letting her know everything was going to be alright?
b) grumping about it being the 4th of july and...(refer to panel 1)
c) sat there and stewed silently.

(My guess is that the answer is c, btw. How do I know? cause it was my answer when my brother had his heart attack after 6 false alarms. I DID go with him, spent the time stewing quietly and I have to tell you, that did NOT help. I'm still kicking myself over that.)

2. In light of question 1, how would you waiting in the hospital with Terri have made any difference whatsoever.

3: This is the most important one, so pay close attention! Once there was determined that there was a problem, would you have done anything differently to help Terri than what you have actually done?

I get that you feel that you weren't there for her. But you were, and you are, period.

Last point to make. I mentioned last page that I know how much stress you're under over this. You have enough to stress over that are honest real concerns, you don't need to pile on additional crap that isn't necessary. please please PLEASE! find some kind of stress relieving activity, and DO it. No, we can't lose Terri, but we can't lose you either.

Again, my prayers are with both of you.
Ryu Santos 10th Aug 2016, 1:46 PM edit delete reply
Tokyo Rose,
There are far worse things to beat yourself up over. You have a friend who has seen it in her heart to forgive you. You need to forgive yourself and eventually you will. I know this, because I've beaten myself up over many lesser things in the past; and I still do so. Each time I've managed to forgive myself. Sometimes it took years. Once it took decades, but I finally did.
It's okay to feel guilty. So be guilty and learn from it. Just don't let the guilt eat you up.
Tokyo Rose 10th Aug 2016, 3:25 PM edit delete reply

The whole surgical team might've seen it in her heart.

'cause, you know, they circular-sawed her open

and they were looking like right at her heart

...

I'm sleepy.
Sheela 11th Aug 2016, 3:13 AM edit delete reply

And then they were all like : "Why is there a spiky ball in her heart ?"
Speedy Marsh 4th Apr 2017, 4:28 AM edit delete reply
"Dang! How is she even alive? That sucker is three sizes too large!"

"Have you met her friend?"

"You mean that one you can tell would drag her, kicking and screaming, back from the pearly gates, pausing to kick Saint Peter in the nuts, for trying to allow her an early check-in?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"I wish I had a friend like that."
Centcomm 4th Apr 2017, 5:20 AM edit delete reply

Actually i made th mistake of looking up the saw they used.. its a frigging JIG saw!!!
HiFranc 10th Aug 2016, 3:19 PM edit delete reply

I used to beat myself up all the time (and sometimes still do). However, I found it easier to move on by asking myself a simple question:

Based on the information THAT I HAD THEN, did I make the right decision? If the answer is "yes" then I have strong ammunition against beating myself up.

If you still can't forgive yourself, I suggest watching Star Trek V, and the Star Trek TNG episode Tapestry, as penance and for education.
HiFranc 10th Aug 2016, 3:41 PM edit delete reply

I know that this is probably a misquote but I think this quote about love is worth bearing in mind:

Superficial people know the pleasures of love. Those who truly care know about its pain.

Another way of putting that is that we will end up hurting those that we are closest to.

Another thing to remember is that the first rule of caring for someone is that you are no use to anyone if you don't look after yourself.
jamie59 10th Aug 2016, 3:53 PM edit delete reply

Is this a hint at real hair color?
Sheela 11th Aug 2016, 3:14 AM edit delete reply

There was some pictures of Krissy with her cat at one point, and she had red hair then, though I don't know if it was died or natural.

On a related note, I don't think I have ever seen a picture of Terri.
Centcomm 11th Aug 2016, 8:29 AM edit delete reply

Nope there are no pics of me that I know of. I steadfastly refuse to be photographed. I hate the way i look and now look even worse. Ill put it this way- Im 5'7" ( 5'9" ) brown hair with a few bits of grey - I am dumpy and not cute and i have blue-ish eyes. I really dont care about the rest anymore. And now i have a giant line down my chest..

On a side note they did take out a mole that i had in the center of my chest for like . ever. ( it was totally benign ) I have one on my back in almost the exact same location.
Speedy Marsh 4th Apr 2017, 4:53 AM edit delete reply
Don't go dissing yourself over a giant line down your chest. Do you think Arianna is less attractive, because of the giant line down her chest? Or Acantha, because of the line across hers?

Wear your battle scars with pride! You kicked that heart problem's ass.
antrik 15th Oct 2016, 2:02 PM edit delete reply
Funny thing is, when I saw that picture of Krissy+Cat, pretty much the first thing I thought was, "Red hair? Ah no, it's died"...

I have a tendency automatically to look closer whenever I consciously notice hair colour. I think I might be influenced by a movie that I saw at an impressionable age. (Early teens I guess?) I don't remember the title; but it was about a court case / criminal investigation; and the punch line of one scene was noticing that a certain person has died hair... Somehow that scene stuck with me. (I don't remember much else from that movie.)
Tokyo Rose 11th Aug 2016, 5:25 AM edit delete reply

My natural hair color is a sort of medium brown, but I've been dyeing it deep auburn for years; Mister Black's pet name for me is "Redhead". I've gone back to a color closer to my natural one recently, since red dye tends to fade very quickly, and it gets frustrating to re-dye knee-length hair on a frequent basis.
jamie59 11th Aug 2016, 9:38 AM edit delete reply

"knee-length hair" ever ride a horse naked?
Centcomm 13th Aug 2016, 1:52 AM edit delete reply

That would require her to be out in the searing ball of flame world. You know. outside.
Tokyo Rose 13th Aug 2016, 2:21 PM edit delete reply

Nearly so (I did have underpants), but at the time, I was like ten years old and did NOT have knee-length hair. I did, however, have a costume wig. A shiny silver tinsel-type costume wig. My aunt's Arabian gelding, who was a drama queen and more highly-strung than a violinist on the International Space Station, was totally okay with playing the role of palfrey... until a stray breeze made the tinsel sparkle in his line of sight.

My mother, normally a very responsible and attentive parent, has said many times that she deeply regrets not having had a camera to record the outcome.
Phoebe 10th Aug 2016, 4:05 PM edit delete reply
Sometimes we need to lend a sympathetic ear and sometimes we need to kick a friend's ass to make them pull themselves together. A ninth(?) "false alarm" qualifies for the second category. You can only be accused for mistaking the real thing for a false alarm. Seeing as you are not a doctor examining a patient, I think you can easily be deemed innocent. Also, the friendship you two seem to share is heartwarming.

Get completely, fantastically well soon Terri!
Cal 10th Aug 2016, 4:55 PM edit delete reply
For two folks I've never even met, I love you both so stupidly much.

I wrote a bunch of shit, but just deleted it because it was shit. Just know, both of you, that you are loved, and that no matter how many times we feel like we let each other down in the worst ways, it is always love that makes us stronger together.

All my best for BOTH of your wounded hearts tonight.
PriorKnowledge 11th Aug 2016, 11:41 AM edit delete reply
Awesome last line
Tokyo Rose 13th Aug 2016, 2:22 PM edit delete reply

Thank you. :)
Kitty 10th Aug 2016, 6:01 PM edit delete reply
Ladies. Don't sweat it. I have been to the hospital twice thinking I was having a heart attack. The first time was a panic attack. The second time was a migraine (I didn't know they could make you nauseated and give you hot/cold sweats ok?)

My dad had heart problems. My brother did not know he also had a heart problem and it killed him. Since that day the fear of heart attacks has been inscribed on my brain. And I know others in my family think I'm over-reacting.

Terri, never think you made too big a deal out of it! And Krissy, don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't know.

Best wishes to both of you!!
Combat Medic Z 10th Aug 2016, 10:55 PM edit delete reply

ROFL at Rose's short circuited brain! I wish I could've seen your face when Terri asked you for a McDonald's hamburger!

Meh, I'm not going to add my 2 cents trying to explain why you shouldn't feel guilty. Logic has nothing to do with this kind of thing. Just keep taking good care of Terri and I hope she'll recover well.
Tokyo Rose 13th Aug 2016, 2:24 PM edit delete reply

http://crankycoder.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/What-Meme-13.jpg This is a reasonably accurate facsimile of the look on my face at the time.
Mark_L_A 11th Aug 2016, 1:55 PM edit delete reply

Ok, now I want to see pics of Cent and rose even more. I want to see a pic of the two of them standing side by side holding hands like friends do at times of of strife and toil.
Gilrandir 11th Aug 2016, 5:13 PM edit delete reply
Folder 201. ^_^

(What!?!? Folder 201 is where all "forbidden graphics" go, right? Nothing to see here. Move along, move along ^_^)
Speedy Marsh 4th Apr 2017, 5:17 AM edit delete reply
Last time CentComm and Tokyo Rose posed side by side, holding hands for a holopic, it was for an April Fools prank on Aeneas. And, you saw what it took to fix him... ;)
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