Comic 1575 - Scan

4th Sep 2018, 9:00 PM
Average Rating: 5 (15 votes)
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DLKmusic 4th Sep 2018, 9:41 PM edit delete reply

Once again, I like Officer Dan.

***Quickly looks to see if there are any vultures flying over him***
megados 4th Sep 2018, 9:43 PM edit delete reply

I'm glad to hear that coffee has survived the apocalypse, although I am a little surprised the androids drink it.

Ivy and Jordan are going to make damned sure Rapeface Jeff's name sticks! ;)
DLKmusic 4th Sep 2018, 10:14 PM edit delete reply

Quick Disclaimer. The content for the following was actually suggested by our one and only Tokyo Rose!

ANNOUNCER: PBS Proudly presents "POETRY CORNER WITH TOKYO ROSE". This week will finish our series on practical everyday use of poetic language

And now, Tokyo Rose:

TOKYO ROSE: First, I would like to introduce my Author, James Joyce. He was one of the most influential writers of the early 20th century, and if you are already familiar with some of his work, such as "Finnegan's Wake" or "Ulysses", then I might be willing to concede that you aren't an entirely fucking waste of living space that could be better occupied by Murderturd Shit.

Let's take a look at some of his poetry first, shall we?

FLOOD, by James Joyce (1917)

Gold-brown upon the sated flood
the rock-vine clusters lift and sway:
vast wings above the lambent waters brood
of sullen day

A waste of waters ruthlessly
sways and uplifts its weedy mane,
where brooding day stares down upon the sea
in dull disdain

Uplift and sway, O golden vine,
Thy clustered fruits to Love's full flood
Lambent and vast and ruthless as is thine

TOKYO ROSE: So simple, so beautiful, so many layers, so... ! Poetry like this brings a fucking tear to my eye!

But I digress...

The point of reading this poem was so that you could see for yourself the poetic phrasing and multi-layered meaning PROPER poetry brings. Now let's see how Mr. Joyce employed these skills in everyday use. This is a excerpt from a letter he wrote to his lover shortly after they were secretly married.

December 8th, 1909, to Nora:

... "You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore's glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover's fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth."...

TOKYO ROSE: What was that, Ididyourmomin3822? we do NOT use "WTF" here, you pile of Ant-shit! We use complete sentences. YOU SAY "WHAT THE FUCK"!!! GOT IT? and to answer your question, IKR.

I see that the rest of you are now... Busy... So When you're done, I'll let you ponder on what kind of complete shit would so completely violate a newlywed couple's privacy like this. Shame on all of you, you all make me want to puke radioactive fucking blood!

I'll be signing off now, good fucking night.

Announcer: And so concludes this weeks presentation of "Poetry Corner with Tokyo Rose". which has beenbrought to you in part by generous donations from:

Lunacomm: Reach out and "Touch" someone today!

And by,

McDonald's: Over 8 Sex... err Septillion burgers served.

And by donations from generous viewers such as yourselves. that make such quality programming possible.

*A link to a collection of poetry by James Joyce: He wrote some good stuff!

*A link to the quoted love letters in their entirety: (Warning, the excerpt above was one of the milder ones: this is VERY NSFW)
Tokyo Rose 5th Sep 2018, 4:51 AM edit delete reply

Hahahaha, yes, you exactly nailed it!

Dude used some truly beautiful language to describe his lover--"My beautiful wild flower of the hedges! My dark-blue, rain-drenched flower!"--and later on in the SAME LETTER says some really, really raunchy stuff... with the same level of adoration and passion. Their sex life must have been DYNAMITE.
Sheela 6th Sep 2018, 7:37 AM edit delete reply

If I remember correctly, there were rumors that the local police had to knock on his door twice because of complaints about loud sex. XD

Rumors my bare ass !!
Rashala 5th Sep 2018, 12:17 AM edit delete reply

They make a cute couple......granted I would not wanna tick either off mind ya
Sheela 6th Sep 2018, 7:38 AM edit delete reply

Yeah, we know Ophelia is a tough cookie, and I suspect that Dan is no slouch either.

Frankly, they were meant to be.
oldastronomer 5th Sep 2018, 1:15 AM edit delete reply
And I still have this scarey tingling up the base of my spine that the <classified> berserker/bolo/leftover is wombling around looking for hi-tech to roast - including reroasting bad coffee beans....

And many thanks to the authors for a cracking good yarn!!
Chippewa Ghost 5th Sep 2018, 3:38 AM edit delete reply

Shitty coffee is an art unto itself.
Tokyo Rose 5th Sep 2018, 4:52 AM edit delete reply

"... h-how. how did you do this, how COULD you do this, to innocent coffee beans. HOW."
Chippewa Ghost 5th Sep 2018, 5:18 AM edit delete reply

Hey, my barrista only uses the freshest Sharpies and cigarette butts!
megados 5th Sep 2018, 8:50 AM edit delete reply

The amount, and Sharpie to cigarette butt ratio, are somewhat critical.
sigpig 5th Sep 2018, 8:42 AM edit delete reply
Sheela 6th Sep 2018, 7:45 AM edit delete reply

I am the Destroyer of Coffee !!

Coffee beans are slightly porous, so if you "steam" them over a bit of tar, they will pick up some of that smoke, and it is horrible !
Also, steal the coffee mugs, and dry out a strong salt solution in the bottom of the cups, then place them back in the cupboard.

This combination is extremely vile, and should only be done to enemies, because if you do it to friends, you will convert them into enemies.
knuut 9th Sep 2018, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
Even worse if you use Epsom salt instead of the regular kind but still not as bad as third shift computer room coffee (boiled down first shift dregs plus boiled down second shift dregs plus water softener regurgitation ... it IS tar!)
Hornet 5th Sep 2018, 7:38 AM edit delete reply
Hmmm. Classified from border security??? Probably not a good idea with that molecular disintegrator walking around.
KarToon12 5th Sep 2018, 11:04 AM edit delete reply

Finally, something starts to go right.
hidden-ninjafisr 5th Sep 2018, 10:38 PM edit delete reply
I thought that a cassian's inhibitor was physically built into their bodies, as hardware; but this suggests its in their software. clarification please?
megados 6th Sep 2018, 4:37 AM edit delete reply

As I understand it, it's contained within the brain case, which was transplanted in it's entirety.
Centcomm 6th Sep 2018, 5:36 AM edit delete reply

The inhibitor as Mega said is part of the brain case, and was as he said transplanted
Sheela 6th Sep 2018, 7:47 AM edit delete reply

Unlike Dolly, who did a software transfer.
Ophelia had her brain transferred over, as it was one of the still functioning parts of her body.

Gotta say, she has had a LOT of "good luck" in this case.
hidden-ninjafisr 6th Sep 2018, 11:39 PM edit delete reply
I see, thank you.
sigpig 6th Sep 2018, 1:09 PM edit delete reply

Since Feelie's hitting it off with Officer Dan, she may as well take her borrowed chassis for a spin with him...
Hornet 7th Sep 2018, 5:34 AM edit delete reply
Think the question there would be does he have the equipment? Not sure if that's his body or a uniform we're seeing.
Sheela 7th Sep 2018, 9:03 AM edit delete reply

He could quite possibly, be smooth around the bend.

Also not sure how Ophelia is feeling mentally, she did after all just loose an entire platoon of friends.
Just_IDD 8th Sep 2018, 4:34 AM edit delete reply
We already learned he is currently in a 3b which has no working private parts. So he either does something with the Nano Assembler or to mis-quote an old ad, he lets his fingers do the walking.
Sheela 9th Sep 2018, 7:52 AM edit delete reply

He could also be modded.
Howard 8th Sep 2018, 12:58 AM edit delete reply
Im wondering if maybe this "scan was not as innocent as it appeared maybe. Maybe I am just paranoid.
Sheela 9th Sep 2018, 7:56 AM edit delete reply

I doubt that there's much, if any, duplicity in Dan - He seems to be the sort of guy that shows the world exactly what is going on underneath.

His 'higher-ups' on the other hand, I wouldn't trust them any further than I can throw them. Lets hope he has a good boss.
Just_IDD 8th Sep 2018, 9:11 AM edit delete reply
I wonder if this was a happy accident in naming, but I wouldn't put it past the writing crew to slip something through. Admittedly this is going the long way round.

Feelie Dan sounds suspiciously like Steely Dan a rock/blues band from the 70's. Although now I'm looking at where the band got its name, and I'm more suspicious of the writing group than before. In this context, its both literal and innuendo.
mjkj 9th Sep 2018, 3:06 AM edit delete reply

Hmmm, is this Ersatz Coffee enough for poor Ophie??? =S
megados 9th Sep 2018, 7:52 AM edit delete reply

After the day she's had so far, I would say no, but it's really up to her. I doubt the Security Office has the premium brew that she really deserves after all this. (Or maybe a shot and a beer)
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